Ten Dos and Don't for holding a family meeting

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1. Do decide on guests in advance. Are you including spouses? Professional advisors involved in managing your property? If conflict exists between two guests, make an effort to resolve the issue before the family meeting.
2. Do pick a neutral site for the meeting—a restaurant or hotel conference room with no emotional significance to your family often works best. The new setting will take your family members out of their routines and make it so no one has “home court advantage” during discussions.
3. Do prepare an agenda detailing what you’ll discuss at the meeting and make sure everyone gets a copy in advance. Welcome your family’s questions and suggestions for the meeting.
4. Don’t have any surprises in the meeting.
5. Don’t wait to set the rules.  Make sure everyone understands how you will proceed and how decisions will be made before the meeting.
6. Do appoint a recorder to take minutes, writing down what you discuss and decide, so everyone can have a record of what took place.
7. Do talk about values. Consider starting the meeting by sharing why your land is important to you, and asking everyone in the room to do the same. There is no “right” answer.
8. Do be frank about finances. Your family members can’t help you plan for the future if they don’t understand your present situation.
9. Do remember your purpose is to find common ground and a shared vision for the future, not to revisit the conflicts of the past. Even when discussing difficult issues, aim to keep the conversation open, respectful and positive.
10. Do follow up. Give your guests to-do lists if needed, and let them know about actions and tangible results that came out of your meeting.

Including your family in the planning process can help you make more informed choices. But you will still need professional help to make your plan a reality. Within your meeting or outside it, you and your family will likely have questions only an estate planner can answer.